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MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE?

MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE?

WILL THE REAL SLIM SHADY PLEASE STAND UP?

I REPEAT, WILL THE REAL SLIM SHADY PLEASE STAND UP?

WE´RE GONNA HAVE A PROBLEM HERE..Y´ALL ACT LIKE YOU NEVER SEEN A WHITE PERSON BEFOREJAWS ALL ON THE FLOOR LIKE PAM, LIKE TOMMY JUST BURST IN THE DOORAND STARTED WHOOPIN HER ASS WORSE THAN BEFORETHEY FIRST WERE DIVORCE, THROWIN HER OVER FURNITURE (AHH!)IT´S THE RETURN OF THE... "AH, WAIT, NO WAY, YOU´RE KIDDING, HE DIDN´T JUST SAY WHAT I THINK HE DID, DID HE?"AND DR. DRE SAID... NOTHING YOU IDIOTS! DR. DRE´S DEAD, HE´S LOCKED IN MY BASEMENT! (HA-HA!)FEMINIST WOMEN LOVE EMINEM.

TURNTABLE: CHIGGA CHIGGA CHIGGA*] "SLIM SHADY, I´M SICK OF HIMLOOK AT HIM, WALKIN AROUND GRABBIN HIS YOU-KNOW-WHATFLIPPIN THE YOU-KNOW-WHO," "YEAH, BUT HE´S SO CUTE THOUGH!" YEAH, I PROBABLY GOT A COUPLE OF SCREWS UP IN MY HEAD LOOSEBUT NO WORSE, PARENTS´ THAN WHAT´S GOIN ON IN YOUR beDROOMSSOMETIMES, I WANNA GET ON TV AND JUST LET LOOSE, BUT CAN´TBUT IT´S COOL FOR TOM GREEN TO HUMP A DEAD MOOSE "MY BUM IS ON YOUR LIPS, MY BUM IS ON YOUR LIPS"AND IF I´M LUCKY, YOU MIGHT JUST GIVE IT A LITTLE KISSAND THAT´S THE MESSAGE THAT WE DELIVER TO LITTLE KIDSAND EXPECT THEM NOT TO KNOW WHAT A WOMAN´S CLITORIS ISOF COURSE THEY GONNA KNOW WHAT INTERCOURSE ISBY THE TIME THEY HIT FOURTH GRADETHEY GOT THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL DON´T THEY?"WE AIN´T NOTHING BUT MAMMALS.." WELL, SOME OF US CANNIBALSWHO CUT OTHER PEOPLE OPEN LIKE CANTALOUPES [SLURP]BUT IF WE CAN HUMP DEAD ANIMALS AND ANTELOPESTHEN THERE´S NO REASON THAT A MAN AND ANOTHER MAN CAN´T ELOPE[*EWWW!*] BUT IF YOU FEEL LIKE I FEEL, I GOT THE ANTIDOTEWOMEN WAVE YOUR PANTYHOSE, SING THE CHORUS AND IT GOES I´M SLIM SHADY, YES I´M THE REAL SHADYALL YOU OTHER SLIM SHADYS ARE JUST IMITATINGSO WON´T THE REAL SLIM SHADY PLEASE STAND UP,PLEASE STAND UP, PLEASE STAND UP?[EMINEM]WILL SMITH DON´T GOTTA CUSS IN HIS RAPS TO SELL HIS RECORDS;WELL I DO, SO FUCK HIM AND FUCK YOU TOO!YOU THINK I GIVE A DAMN ABOUT A GRAMMY? HALF OF YOU CRITICS CAN´T EVEN STOMACH ME, LET ALONE STAND ME"BUT SLIM, WHAT IF YOU WIN, WOULDN´T IT BE WEIRD?"WHY? SO YOU GUYS COULD JUST LIE TO GET ME HERE?SO YOU CAN, SIT ME HERE NEXT TO BRITNEY SPEARS?SHIT, CHRISTINA AGUILERA BETTER SWITCH ME CHAIRSSO I CAN SIT NEXT TO CARSON DALY AND FRED DURSTAND HEAR ´EM ARGUE OVER WHO SHE GAVE HEAD TO FIRSTYOU LITTLE BITCH, PUT ME ON BLAST ON MTV "YEAH, HE´S CUTE, BUT I THINK HE´S MARRIED TO KIM, HEE-HEE! "I SHOULD DOWNLOAD HER AUDIO ON MP3 AND SHOW THE WHOLE WORLD HOW YOU GAVE EMINEM VD [AHHH!]I´M SICK OF YOU LITTLE GIRL AND BOY GROUPS, ALL YOU DO IS ANNOY MESO I HAVE BEEN SENT HERE TO DESTROY YOU [BZZZT]AND THERE´S A MILLION OF US JUST LIKE MEWHO CUSS LIKE ME; WHO JUST DON´T GIVE A FUCK LIKE MEWHO DRESS LIKE ME; WALK, TALK AND ACT LIKE MEAND JUST MIGHT BE THE NEXT BEST THING BUT NOT QUITE ME]I´M LIKE A HEAD TRIP TO LISTEN TO, CAUSE I´M ONLY GIVIN YOU THINGS YOU JOKE ABOUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS INSIDE YOUR LIVING ROOMTHE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS I GOT THE BALLS TO SAY ITIN FRONT OF Y´ALL AND I DON´T GOTTA BE FALSE OR SUGARCOATED AT ALLI JUST GET ON THE MIC AND SPIT IT AND WHETHER YOU LIKE TO ADMIT IT [*ERR*] I JUST SHIT ITBETTER THAN NINETY PERCENT OF YOU RAPPERS OUT CANTHEN YOU WONDER HOW CAN KIDS EAT UP THESE ALBUMS LIKE VALIUMSIT´S FUNNY; CAUSE AT THE RATE I´M GOIN WHEN I´M THIRTYI´LL BE THE ONLY PERSON IN THE NURSIN HOME FLIRTINGPINCHIN NURSES ASSES WHEN I´M JACKIN OFF WITH JERGENSAND I´M JERKIN BUT THIS WHOLE BAG OF VIAGRA ISN´T WORKINGAND EVERY SINGLE PERSON IS A SLIM SHADY LURKINHE COULD BE WORKIN AT BURGER KING, SPITTIN ON YOUR ONION RINGS[*HACH*] OR IN THE PARKIN LOT, CIRCLINGSCREAMING "I DON´T GIVE A FUCK!" WITH HIS WINDOWS DOWN AND HIS SYSTEM UPSO, WILL THE REAL SHADY PLEASE STAND UP?AND PUT ONE OF THOSE FINGERS ON EACH HAND UP?AND BE PROUD TO BE OUTTA YOUR MIND AND OUTTA CONTROLAND ONE MORE TIME, LOUD AS YOU CAN, HOW DOES IT GO[EMINEM]♥HA HAGUESS THERE´S A SLIM SHADY IN ALL OF USFUCK IT, LET´S ALL STAND UP.